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The Dead Party Sketch

September 30, 2021 12:33 PM
THE DEAD PARTY SKETCH (A member attends a conference.)
Blue FlagI wish to complain about this party what I joined not half an hour ago.
Oh yes, the, uh, the Labour Red...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's blue, that's what's wrong with it!
No, no, 'it's uh,... just the unions.
Look, matey, I know a blue party when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
No no it's not blue, it's, it's just socially conservative! Remarkable party, the Labour Red, inn'it, ay? Beautiful Leader!
The Leader don't enter into it. It's gone blue.
Nononono, no, no! 'E's votin' on 'is post! They do that every election, they all try to be first!
All right then, if he's just votin' on 'is post, I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Comrade Labour Party! I've got a lovely fresh voting system for you...
There, he moved!
No, he didn't, that was you trying to con voters!
I never was!!
Yes, you were!
(member yells and hits the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO PEOPLE'S PARTY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your final chance to win!
Didn't move - now that's what I call a dead party.
No, no.....No, 'e's scared!
Yeah! You scared him, just as he was wakin' up! Labour Reds are easily scared by voting change, major.
Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That party is definitely blue, and when I joined it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me it was red, but its apparent blue colour was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pinin' for power.
PININ' for POWER?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?
Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I mentioned Proportional Representation?
Labour Reds prefer being first past their posts, see! That's their way, on'y way they know. You scared it, you did.
Remarkable party, innit, squire? Lovely Leader!
(exit Member followed by divers others)